SoulKey WoolFin
by Sulkie Wolfen
Summary: The fic in which Scar and Nala FINALLY get it on. Or, in which Sulkie Wolfen parodies herself.


SoulKey WoolFin  
_In which Sulkie Wolfen parodies herself.  
'Cause she's cool that way._

A warning to you all, this includes... dare I say it... "Sulkie Wolfen's Days of Comedy" style of, urr, comedy... so. If you hated that, you'll hate this more. Lol. Except that this one DOES have more to do with TLK... Hmm...

And I don't own TLK. Or TiVo. Or Monty Python. However, I do own myself... whom much of this fic is based on. Lol. And I do own the parody of my own name which this thing is named after- SoulKey WoolFin.

X

In 2000, the characters of The Lion King discovered America. They were very overjoyed, because this lovely country enabled them to take advantage of such luxuries as popcorn, hotels and TiVo.

Sometime between the end of Simba's Pride and 2000, Nala and Scar (who had miraculously returned from the dead) had become friends. So, one day, they gathered in a hotel room and ate popcorn in front of their TiVo. Unfortunately, after a while, they ran out of things to watch. So they continued to eat popcorn in a hotel room on a very squishy sofa, but instead of watching ToVi (TiVo, sorry) they decided to make out.

"OMFG Nala, I love you so much! I mean, I hardly know you, and btw I'm actually your father, but I KNOW YOUR SOUL! And I know that the one thing you truly crave is love... from anyone!" Scar said.

Nala was disgusted. "We've been through this at least a thousand times, what with all the Sulkie Wolfen stories on the market today. We already know that even though you've never been able to come to a decision about ANYTHING else, you're very sure that you love me. And we also know that our attraction is based on the need to be loved, not actual love. And we've heard it over and over again- albeit from thirty-five different points of view."

Scar felt pouty now and decided to brood with a sense of poetry that he had spontaneously obtained. "Not thirty-five! I know at least two that had NOTHING to do with our questionable relationship."

Nala stuffed her mouth with popcorn. It was the only thing she could do to make sure she didn't explode with anger (no, instead she would explode from popcorn overload). And then she responded. "Really? Which ones?" she challenged.

"I Didn't Write It! and Sulkie Wolfen's Days of Comedy. All those two had was a bunch of lame inside jokes and Monty Python references," the darker one responded, in a huff.

Nala felt defeated.

"And it's all beside the point. Because no matter how real my love for you is, Sulkie Wolfen is obsessed with making people read between the lines and they'll probably never catch it anyway but by now it's been made COMPLETELY OBVIOUS... at least, if you can read SW's mind... that you're in love with me!"

Nala's face turned bright red. Luckily, Scar couldn't tell, because she had the blessing of fur. "Okay you're right. But by this time, everyone's probably all sick of all our implied nonsense so let's just GET ON WITH IT!"

And, right before the television's eyes, Scar and Nala began to make sweet sweet love.

Meanwhile, Sulkie Wolfen was watching them through her magic glasses (she had finally learned how to turn them on...) that allowed her to see TLK characters. She cackled maniacally at the sight. Curiously enough, it didn't even occur to her that what she was watching... was basically porn. Ah, but no matter. Parody or not, her mission had been accomplished- she had betrayed the laws of canonism! Scar and Nala were together! BWAHAHA!

Oh yeah, and then she woke up in a hospital bed. When she asked the nurses what happened, they told her this, "Umm... you were laughing maniacally really, REALLY hard... some lion thing... and then you sort of fell off your chair and broke three ribs and were knocked unconscious."

This made Sulkie Wolfen very depressed. "Please leave," she said to the nurse. The nurse complied. And then Sulkie Wolfen reminded herself to always look on the bright side of life, for the sole reason that including Monty Python references has become a tradition in SW comedy.

Little did she know that all the characters of The Lion King (besides Scar and Nala, who were too busy getting married in Vegas) were trudging through the streets of famous places like New York and LA, carrying signs reading truly vulgar things about Sulkie Wolfen.

Take your pick- "SULKIE WOLFEN MUST DIE", "soul-key wool-fin is a more-on" or "We, the lovely republic of The Lion King, declare that Sulkie Wolfen, with all due respect, ought to be put to death".

THE END.

And for once, the end really means the end. I mean, honestly people! The first few hundred times you try to pull the "END no wait this this this END last time i swear END hi END" thing it's kinda funny... but this whole end thing has gone too far! So all hail the end, which really is the end.


End file.
